A taste of my own medicine

Subject: Re: Power Attitudes for Dating (+ free new Mindtrack demo)

> Yo! I found this in my inbox and I wanted to (nit)pick out a few points:

> On 1/19/06, *Dr Alex Benzer* <dralex(at)thetaoofdating.com> wrote:
>> POWER ATTITUDES FOR DATING, F R E E DEMO OF NEW ATTITUDE SUPERCHARGER MINDTRACK, AND NEW TAO OF DATING QUESTION BLOG!
>
>> So become a giving machine. If you do it with expectation
>> of return, it doesn't work so well. If you do it because
>> the giving is its own reward, it works a lot better.
>
> You said "it doesn't work so well."
> I think it's safe to leave out the "so well" part.
> If you "give" with expectation, you're not sending out the vibes you
> should, which ultimately doesn't lead to the goal you want(in this
> case, the bartender).
>
> Also, you wrote:
>
> 'I will not give excess importance to what someone else
> thinks or says.'
>
> I think there is an even better way to phrase that:
> "I will give excess importance only to what I Myself think or say"
> Same as the above, none of the negativity.
> It stems from "you get what you focus on", and "not" focusing on
> something also means you are focusing on something.
> I mean, think NOT of a pink elephant....
>
> I just wanted to shared that :)
>
> Kind regards,
> R. B.
> NL
> --
> Think and grow rich!

That's excellent! Love it when someone feeds back my own stuff to me -- keeps me on my toes.

Yeah, it's really important to phrase things positively. You tend to get what you focus on, so focus always on what you want, as opposed to what you do not. The unconscious mind can't process a negative (as RB deftly demonstrated with the classic example of the pink elephant).

The point about giving is also spot-on. One of the most eloquent formulations of this point comes from Kahlil Gibran in the chapter 'On Giving' in his classic The Prophet (which, I've said before and I'll say again, you should read now if you haven't already). Italics mine:

Then said a rich man, "Speak to us of Giving."

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Though the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth...

With The Tao of Dating, our ultimate goal is to get you to that point. We want to take you way past being merely attractive to the point of being radioactive -- being a radiant epicenter of joy and giving such that everyone and everything wants to be around you. Of course, at that point, you're so suffused with good feeling that you're not even concerned about who's paying attention anymore. Funny how that works.

Good stuff!
Dr Alex